Friday, August 03, 2007


The suggestions are in, the votes have been counted, the final results are in!

After many hours of deliberations, the jury (basically me sitting in only a boxer short behind my lap top in a sweaty Beirut) has decided which 10 songs are crappy, insane, silly, weird or loud enough to be used to drive Fatah al Islam (FaI) militants out of a Palestinian refugee camp in the north of Lebanon. (see post below).

Many thanks to all the people who took time to come up with excellent songs. I mean, the purpose wasn't to please your mama, but to annoy the FaI militants in the Nahr al Bared camp. Some suggestions though were great, but not usable. Celine Dion would definitely drive me crazy, but here in the Middle East they LOOOOVE her. Really, I've met Taliban soldiers in Afghanistan who were going on and on about the Titanic. Queen, Phil Collins and ZZ top are way too melodic.

1. EXCLUSIVE UNDERGROUND CLIP OF FATAH AL ISLAM MILITANTS DANCING ON THE SONG "GIRL WITH THE LEEK". Listen to the song once and like it. Twice - visit toilet. Five days - death! Juicy detail: The FaI fighters are surprisingly small! Dave, thanks! You won a piece of shrapnel from the camp. Really, once the fighting is over, I'll get it.

2. Jantje Smit, with the Dutch song I only sing this song for you. After hearing this song for five days, even the FaI guys must doubt a possible victory. For people who don't speak Dutch: it's about Jantje's grandmother. He says he loves her, he feels like being naked with her on a boat and wants her inheritance. What an annoying kid this Jantje! Thanks anonymous!


4. Bohemian Polka by Weird Al Yankovic. With a beautiful lesson in it. "I'm just a poor boy - nobody loves me." My god - five days this song.... Thanks anonymous!

5. ATARI TEENAGE RIOT. Because it's loud, loud, loud. We will not negotiate! Thanks Hoxha!

6. The Casualties - because of the noise and, of course, their hair! Thanks Philip!

7. Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song. Just totally freaky! Thanks waverider!

8. Hardrock Halleluja - based on Lordi. Well, you get the point...

9. Another Hava Nagila. I just love this Thai version. Too silly for words.

10. Suzanne by Leonard Cohen.

Why the hell this beautiful, quiet song on number 10?

Well, because of this: I've been joking a lot about Fatah al Islam in the Nahr al Bared camp. I think humour is a healthy way of looking at a situation.

But it is a serious matter too. Do not forget - FaI are a bunch of fanatics who out of the blue started to behead Lebanese soldiers. Yes, that is right, they cut people's throat. I've seen a video of their actions. Cutting throats, even taking out the eyes of innocent Lebanese conscripts.

By now over 120 Lebanese soldiers were killed - they all have families, whose lives were destroyed forever.

And 30.000 Palestinians left the camp after the fighting started. Although they allowed Fatah al Islam in their camp, the Palestinians too are loosing everything they once possessed. The camp is being fully destroyed, not one house will survive the shelling by the Lebanese army.

Even the members of Fatah al Islam - where did it go wrong in their lives? I understand that people sometimes are angry, even hate. But so much destruction, so much hate, such a passion for death. In a way, poor guys. A life without love, without a future, without an identity - a culture of repression and violence. The result: A truly evil doomsday sect.

I don't want to sound too melodramatic, but in this conflict it seems that every victim is a culprit and every culprit a victim.

So enjoy Leonard Cohen's song. Because life can sometimes be so simple and so beautiful:

Suzanne takes you down,

To her place near the river.

You can hear the boats go by,

You can spend the night beside her.

Harald Doornbos


Riemer Brouwer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Riemer Brouwer said...

Missing "Highway to Hell" from AC/DC, though:-) Not that it's a bad song, but it hopefully applies to the militants over there.

See for the most annoying version I could find: imagine your neighbor kid practicing this day in,day out